bettercallit | (no subject)

[ With another shrug, Clint reaches for the can and drags it closer, the cling of it being opened seemingly louder than it should be in the quiet room, and he fiddles with the clip. ]

We didn't make a huge announcement or anything, too used to keeping personal stuff private, but it's not like it was a secret, not really.

[ He does wonder if it's an issue, but as he manages to look at him, he feels bad for the thought. ] What makes you ask?

I -. [ Shrugging his shoulders and shoving his pizza into his mouth. He chews for a minute, buying him time. ]

I just wanted to know. It's nice, y'know, you were -. [ Fidgeting now: ]

[ Lowering his gaze, Clint nods, a wistful smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. ]

Years of working together and it's this place that gave us the chance to deal with how we felt.

[ He should've known it was too good to be true, but he's got the memories, and those are more than he had before. ]

[ A swig of his coke, Stiles' movements all nervous energy and wound up tight emotion. His head is cocked to the side, listening to what Clint has to say. ]

So the spy game has Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Not sure about that, but there's definitely protocols on in-house relationships between handlers and assets when there's life and death situations around the corner. Phil always loved reciting the protocols as a form of torture, not that it ever really was, but it was enough that I never went there.

[ He shrugs again, a habit that's not quite a tell because he does it so much, but he definitely feels weird discussing it, though not necessarily bad, and it doesn't escape his notice that there's discomfort. ]

[ Stiles nods, completely unaware that Clint's reading into this, that he might be coming off as vaguely phobic. It's a problem - he's nervous for entirely different reasons but his hyperactivity can't be tamed. ]

Okay.

[ He takes a bite of pizza, not really tasting it as he chews it down, and then he gives up on it again. ]

Don't let it tarnish your memories of him, he was a good man, and I don't want to be the reason for that.

What? [ His head jerks up at that, wide-eyed, like a deer caught in the headlights. ] Why would -?

[ Realization hits like a twist in the gut. ] I'm not homophobic!

[ It's Stiles, so he kind of knew, really, but that doesn't mean it's not weird for him, uncomfortable to learn, and it doesn't explain the tension.

He's looking at him, trying to get a better read on what he's missing. ] So what's with the awkward thing? 'Cause if it's bringing him up, don't worry about it. [ He waits for a reaction to see if that seems to be it or not. ]

[ A short sharp shake of his head. ]

You're just the uh - only one I know who's into that. [ Fingers tugging on the button of his plaid shirt.

And then all in a rush. ] Okay there's Danny but Danny's not here and he hates me and I probably couldn't go to him and ask anyway because he'd tell Jackson and Jackson might flush my head down a toilet and I'm not really sure either way, y'know? So I'd end up asking with like zero certainty and it would be awful. Much like this whole conversation is going. So I will shut up now.

[ Into that. He struggles to keep the touch of amusement from showing through, still curious, a little concerned, but the phrasing is a new one.

Listening, Clint's actually interested in the slight insight into the life he's got wherever he's from, how normal it sounds, whatever that means. But he picks out the important part of the explanation, voice softening, encouraging. ]

Well, Jackson sounds like a dick, and hats off to Danny, but getting to the point: ask what?

Uh.

[ Okay now he's full on fidgeting, fingers running under the collar of his t-shirt and tugging it a little. ] Howdidyouknow?

[ He open his mouth, but closes it again, the teasing remark so close to slipping out, but he catches himself in time. He should be serious about this if he can't be about everything else.

In case. ]

How did I know that the door opened more than one way? [ He shrugs, taking a moment to actually consider it. ] Just kind of knew, you know?

No. [ It comes out a little lost. Stiles doesn't actually know what he feels. Which might be his problem entirely. }

[ He remains quiet for a minute, gives him a chance to carry on if he wants to, needs to, but it's enough to be worried when Stiles appears lost for anything. ]

Okay. Right. [ He nods, getting it, turning on the stool. ] Do you wanna talk about it, see if it helps?

[ Shrugging. ] I keep thinking there should be a key, y'know? Or some research I could work out and then know. I'm good with that, I understand that.

[ He huffs a dry laugh, because, yeah, he gets that, and if there were something then he'd point him in the right direction. ]

Life's never that easy, you should get used to it. [ But that's even less helpful. ] What made you stop and think you might be? 'Cause if it's one thing, you can pick it apart, figure it out from there. That's where I'd start.

Not really. Just it's been brewing a while and then something a friend said got me thinking about it again.

Well, I'm no expert, but if it's been there a while and hasn't gone away, then I'd be kinda inclined to think that, yeah, maybe there's something to it.

[ Huffing out a breath. ]

So maybe I might like both?

[ He takes his time in answering, taking a drink from the Coke can while he does. ]

Does it feel right? The idea of liking both.

[ Biting a bit more of his pizza even though he's not really tasting it. ]

I've been in love with Lydia since third grade. I was pretty sure I was Lydia-sexual.

Third grade. She must really be something. [ A soft smile. ] So either someone else caught your interest or being away from her is helping you see what she blocked out.

[ That --.

That kind of makes sense. ] My dad doesn't think I could be gay because I dress like I dress. [ Of course, that had been a weird situation. ] But the drag queens seemed to like me.

[ He looks amused as he glances down at the jeans and t-shirt he's got on, over to what Stiles is wearing, eyebrow lifting ever so slightly. ]

Well, I'm thinking style's not got much to do with it. [ But hang on a second. ] You're friends with drag queens?